Friday, December 31, 2010

The New Year

So I am kind of up in the air about the whole New Year's resolution thing.  I have some for me personally and then Scott and I have a few as a couple.

For me I want to continue to attend the gym and go even more.  I find I really have a "purpose" if I get up and get to the gym, it seems to get me going for the day.  I am sure I would see more results though if I changed my eating, but I will work on that slowly.  I find it enlightening now that I was able to play the dance game on the Xbox today and was only very slightly winded, not sweaty or felt like dying, last year the Wii kicked my butt, so progress is there, just slow. 

I also want to work on finding a hobby for myself.  Reading is not a good hobby so I need something extracurricular, so here I come.  I could use some ideas.  I am not crafty, so it has to be something that I would not feel inept at.

I am gonig to start grocery shopping with coupons.  I refuse to be a "crazy cupon lady" but I am going to be sensible and utilize offers for items that I buy regularily.  This is totally new for me and I hope it works out.

As a couple we are going to buy a home this year.  That is a big one.  Also we are going to make it a point to go on our first "couple" vacation.  Everytime we have gone on vacation it has been family orientated, which is fine and we have ALWAYS visited family, so this year we want to go somewhere as a couple taht has nothing to do with visiting family, so this ought to be interesting.  Scott even said he would consider actually flyuing on a plane, woo hoo.

As a family we are going to work on keep the house more picked up.  The kids are more than old enough to do this.  And they do pick up after themselves, but we are going to put more responsibility on them cause I am tired of feeling like I clean something to turn around and do it again.  If people would pick up then it would stay cleaner longer right?

I hope these are all resolutions that we can keep.  They seem practical to me and within grasp.  Have a great New Year everyone.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Help I have lost myself....has anybody seen me?

So I am feeling "lost"  It seems that for so long (since before DeLoy died) that I have been spending all my time taking care of my family at home or my extended family who is in need.  It has literally been years and can I admit that I am getting burned out? Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. I don't feel like a bad person, but i catch myself praying that things slow down.  That life slows down. I have not had a paying job in over a year and ironically enough I feel like I have been busier this last year than when I did have a job. I liked having a job. It got me away. It let me interact with the public, I felt normal.  I am suppose to be the Humanitarian Aid leader in our Ward, but honestly I have no more time to give.  In order for me to give time to that project and try to motivate a bunch of ladies who haven't done any humanitarian work in YEARS I have to either take that time from my family at home or extended family.  Guess what? My extended family needs me more, especially with my mothers new cancer.  I was talking to my Relief Society President the other day and I said "any project I put together, no one participates and I do the entire thing myself." If I had teh capacity to donate and serve in a humanitarian way I would.  I told her what had been going on and what I was doing.  She said I was doing exactly what I needed to be and they need to release me cause when given the calling it was not taken into account my previous committments.  But how was she to know what this year held? 

So back to lost Charity......

Who is this lady? What does she like to do? Who are her friends? Does she have any hobbies?

Well I am going to be honest and say that I am not sure exactly who Charity is right now.  I am 30 ish and deffinately different than I was before, but I have gotten sidetracked and kind of lost my love for a lot of things.  I spend so much time catering to other people that I don't remember what I used to be like.

What do I like to do? Well I am an avid reader, and this is good and bad.  I read and I read fast. I get lost in books, but maybe that is because I need the break and that is teh only way I know how to get it right now.  I will read instead of do housework. I even read in teh bathtub.  Whenever I think that I shouldn't read so much I freak out.  Sounds like I have an addiction huh?

Who are my friends?  Now let's clarify friends, I am refering to friends outside of my immediate family.  So my mother, sisters and grandma don't count.  I have 1 friend, she is moving to Utah next week.  I am so excited to have her around. I miss friendship so much. I have a million acquaitances but alas, friends I can count on one hand.  I don't seem to fit in with the ladies in Millville, except for the non-member lady on teh corner who I enjoy a lot and I look past her drinking and smoking because we all need friends right?  Maybe it will turn into more than neighborly and we can truely be friends......maybe.

Do I have any hobbies?  Well sure my hobbies are whatever anyone else is doing in the family. So I am learning how to snowboard right now.  Do I like it? Not particularily but I will conquer it so I am not left out. I also ride 4 wheelers.  Do I like it? Kind of, but I do it to spend time with Scottie.  Cooking? Well lately it's been more of a chore than hobby.  Honestly after 15 years of being married, I am tired of figuring out what is for dinner, so if we have spaghetti more than 1 time a week, you know why. Reading? well it is more of a obsession used to "get away". Going to the gym? I hate going to the gym, but it is good for me and Scott goes so I do to spend more time with him.  See what I mean? I have no idea what I would like to do for a hobby.  I have no personal interests, sucks huh?

Well so this year, as we move forward I am working on myself.  I want a hobby. I want a friend (that one will be easy, she will be here the day after Christmas) I want Scott to do something with ME because I like it and I am passionate about it.  I will figure out who Charity Renee Kidman is and then I will be a better person because of it.  I wish I could say that I would stop giving myself completely to other people, but I am not sure that will happen because my mother will need me this coming year to help get through chemo, but we are going to cross fingers and toes that that is the end of our family drama.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Not lacking in content just motivation....

So there has been a lot going on in my immediate and extended family since the Holiday season began it just boggles my mind. 

First off Thanksgiving was great.  Thanks for all of those that attended whether it was for dinner or dessert. I love putting together get-togethers and cooking for a lot of people. The turkey was great and so was all teh side dishes, we could have served 50 haha.  It was great seeing everyone, I only wish I could have stayed longer to visit more and help more cleaning up but we had other family I had put off to do this dinner.  We really enjoyed our break until Saturday after Christmas when Uncle Scott was rushed to the hospital having suffered a heart attack.  This just made me sad. I was sad for his family and my extended family. We have had a rough couple of winter seasons and it would be nice to have one, just one where something major didn't happen to/in our family.  Oddly enough I was right behind that ambulance that saved my Uncle Scott that night talking on the phone to my husband Scottie and I asked him if he was ok because there was an ambulance going our directions.  Kind of ironic.  That next Monday I started working at Ellis Equipment in place of my Aunt Vickie.  I must say I have enjoyed the distraction but my Aunt is much better at it than I am because I can't sit at a desk and answer phones with nothing else to do. I guess I am spoiled but I need constant work for 8 hours or I loose my mind.  It has been great getting to know the Ellis guys (cause I am the only woman there) and they have been very understanding and gracious to my and Aunt Vickie while she goes through this hard time.  Imagine my surprise when my grandmother calls me the next Friday evening asking if I was out shopping at 9:00 at night (which I was at Al's midnight sale) and Emily had taken Lydia to the ER and could we possible swing by and get Mallory and bring her to grandma's house?  Lucky us we were out and about so we left Al's and did that for them.  What a family!!  They made it through. Lydia had her appendix take out 2 days later and Uncle Scott made it through his surgery and they are all on the fast track back to full health.  I realize this was my extended family but it is hard to hear of people you know going through such things in this season and I spend so much time with Grandma and Grandpa that when they worry and stress over the family I do also cause I hate to see how much it worries her and makes her get ill cause of it. 

Well the next Friday the 3rd of December my mother went into the doctor with a suspicious lump in her breast and guess what?  You guessed it......cancer.  She has invasive ductal carcinoma, level 3.  So she has a 1 inch square (almost) lump in her milk duct that is the most aggressive on the scale of how fast cancer moves, 1 being slow and 3 being fast.  Yup, what a blow.  So this monday she is going into surgery to have a masectomy of her right breast and any lymphnodes and after 4 weeks of recovers back to Chemo. we go.  UGH.  The oncologist who was the same one who took care of her previously said if the multiple meyloma (her lukemia) did not kill her than breast cancer certainly wouldn't either.  It is hard to realize that a few years ago, maybe 5 or 6 we were told that my mother had terminal lukemia and our best hope was to push it back and give her more time.  Well now it is dormant and we get to deal with this.  I know she will be fine, it's just the road to take to "fine" sucks.

Also (wow this is long) back in November my best friend from Colville was talking to me and her and her new husband were having a hard time getting good work in Washington and were getting to the point where they were going to be forced to move cause of lack of work. Well I had mentioned how there is plenty of work here in Utah for those who are willing to work and I was sure her husband would have no problem finding work and they could stay with us while they made the transition if they needed.  So Josh left his job at Walmart in Colville, packed up a Uhaul and was at our home the 1st of December.  Catina had to stay back to get loose ends tied up and get everything together and she adn the kids will be here right after Christmas.  In fact me and Bowen are flying up to Spokane on 12/26 to help her pack up and make the long drive back to Cache Valley.  They are so excited because Josh got a job the first day he was here and is now working for Autoliv full time and has a few interviews for some other great jobs in the coming weeks.  They are in such awe at how Josh has been accepted in Utah and the people have been great and the jobs he found are wonderful.  This is a great missionary opportunity for our family cause they want to attend church with us and learn more about our religion.

Whew.....we have been busy.  I hope you all have a great Christmas.  I know I will since it looks like everyone is going to be healthy and we all have a lot to be thankful for.  Here is a vide from Youtube of a flash mob singing the Halleujah chorus and it is beautiful, I still tear up when I watch it.  Enjoy