Thursday, December 3, 2009

Life is what you make of it

I am a firm believer that your life is what you make of it.  I get down sometimes but that is because I allow it, not because others cause it.  I totally get and accept this.  Life is going good right now, I have barely anything to complain about except the normal, my kids didn't pick up their toys and we have Way to may extra-circuricullar activities, but otherwise we are all healthy and happy.  It has been an adjustment getting used to Scott's new schedule.  Even though he is home every other day, he isn't really "here" because that is his re-coup day and he mostly sleeps and does laundry, but at least his body is here right?  We look forward to the 4 and 6 day breaks and that is when he is really "here."  So I just go on with out life as normal on days when he is home and he can choose to join in if he can and if he can't we just go about our plans.  It seems to work fine.  The only problem is when he is home for 1 day and isn't tired and wants to do "something" he doesnt' know what it is but he wants to do "something" so then it throws a wrench in the plans, but I am good and just going with the flow.  We are soooo extremely blessed to make it through these last 2 years and now we are getting rewarded for it.

So what do you make of your life?  Are you a positive person?  Are you negative?  Do you call yourself a "realist" and see the negative in all things just claiming you are trying to be "real" about the situation? 

You are probably wondering what brought this about?  Well I read a report in Time magazine about people with low self esteem and that have thoughts about themselves that are less than favorable and people who choose to see good in life, in the world and in themselves.  They took these "sad" people and had them write in journals for an hour at a time once a week and during that week they did exercises we have all heard of, look in the mirror and repeat after me "I am a good person.  I am beautiful....." and then write in the journal.  They were also suppose to stop intermittantly while writing and repeat those self-affirming words and continue to write.  You know what they found???  It doesn't help.  Seriously.  You know what they found does help???  Taking these people with low self-esteem and with less than favorable thoughts and perspectives about themselves, life in general and the world, help them to accept their feelings and move on with it.  In other words it's okay to feel that way!!  Can you believe it?  It's okay to have low self-esteem.  So now that you have accepted this what do you do with it?  Well they then teach them how to deal with it.  How to work on raising your self esteem, but in little steps and in such a way that it does not seem they are actually "doing" anything.  In the end, though it took a considerable amount of time their journals started to become more positive and they actually changed their outlook on life.  All this from accepting who you are, what your life is and either deciding to change it or not.  But the big point in my mind is it did not come from standing in front of a mirror and saying "I am beautiful.....I am a good person...." 

So I am here to say I am not a strikingly beautiful person, I have never been.  I accept myself as I am.  I actually think I have my days where I look ok and I am good with that.  I do think I am a good person.  I do not think I am a great person most of the time, but I am fine with being good.  I have accepted my life, the good, the bad and the ugly.  There was a time when I did try to force myself and my family to change who we were and it was not pretty.  We all rebelled.  I thought what I was doing was right and basically I stood in front of the family and said told them this is how we were going to be.  We were going to do this and that and look a certain way and on and on and on and I thought that by reaffirming this everyday it would work, well guess what???  It didn't.  So I accept my family and my life for what it is and I love it.  We are soooooo far from perfect and we may never be where we want but we are always striving and I have learned that change in moderation is the way to go.  Small steps that are barely noticeable and it doesn't seem like we are trying to hard.

So if you get nothing more out of this rambling you can just know that I dont' think I am pretty, and I am an ok person.......JUST KIDDING.  That isn't what I want to you to remember.  Please sit back and look at yourself, accept you for who you are and then decide where you need to work and do it slowly.  Look at your family and also love them for who they are and then go about change in a slow manner.  Remember life is what you make of it, but you can't make it how you IDEALLY want it all at once.

I love you all.

PS I dont' even have a good picture to put with this one.  Sorry.


Tamy Wilson said...

I think I am a positive person. I don't like drama and I like helping people. Charity you are a good person and you are a fighter. Keep it up:) Here is to positive thinking.

vcsings said...

Charity, Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear something like it this morning. Like you, if I worry too much about being perfect and try to force change, it backfires. I was feeling bad about the old lady I saw in the mirror this morning. I do not feel any older than my grown kids, but it is starting to show and I do not like it. I have had to accept that while I am working full time, there is only so much I can do. Remember, I think you are a good person and pretty too! None of us are super models, so who cares! Love you, Aunt Vickie

Amber said...

wow.. deep thoughts sister!
I think i'm positive on the outside..
Char.. i think your a GREAT person.. so great infact.. that if you were on fire..i WOULD put you out..
love you..

Amber said...

Charity, I really liked this one. I totally understand this with a disabled husband. Some days I really wonder about myself. How I am doing as a wife, mother, friend, etc. Just take each day as it comes. As long as you wake up, its a good day!! Thanks again. I really enjoyed this.